Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Return Of The King




Hello Al and my fellow El Cubano Gordos –

Over the past several weeks I’ve been inundated – yes, inundated – by emails, phone calls, text messages, Twitter tweets and Facebook posts all asking the same question: “Pete, since you’re the reigning El Cubano Gordo Champion who so illustriously defeated – nay – thrashed the competition last year, how is it that you are currently near the bottom in current polls?”

Well, it is time to respond to my friends, competitors, former and future losers, and followers with a very simple answer: strategy.

That’s right. For the past 2 months I’ve been doing all I can to not pull too far ahead (i.e., “Pulling A Steve”) under the guise of friendly competition that seems open to all. Well the time has come to say enough. I hereby serve notice to all that my daily workout regimen has officially begun. This consists of 140 morning finger tip pushups (the final 75 which include a hand clap between reps), 5 mile run over my lunch break followed by a hearty lunch of 3 almonds wrapped in organic lettuce, and then a brisk walk with my wife and very short dachshund, Maude, whom just found out she has tapeworms (don’t worry, she’s fine and still does “the scooter” all over our carpet.)

So consider this your official notice. If there is anyone in the ranks who would like double up their personal wager, count me in. My pushup form is unstoppable and my bicep curls have already generated massive results.

Yours,

Pete

1 comment:

mary said...

maybe you should consider using Maude's tapeworm to your advantage. Just a thought...