Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Letters to El Cubano Gordo

This from Steve's Brother who is clearly trying to stir the pot as we approach the contests last two months. I've used the Allende stamp because Ian's post can mean only one thing. He is obviously a card carrying Communist. For those with torches in Florida he can be found living in Tampa where he belongs to the Marxist party and reads books not approved by the Cuban American National Foundation.

Ian Lee said...

No offense to anyone, but as an avid FIW reader, I believe that it is polluting the competition to allow people into the contest at 137 pounds unless said person is under 4 feet tall.

If necessary, said person can join the "ISIOETOICSIAMBMIDNSTIAO-IW"


Only-I-Can-See- It-And-My-


Obese-IS-WACK) competition.

The sanctity of the competition is at stake but this is just my two cents. All parties have kept relatively honorable. For example, you don't see Frankie cutting off his abnormally weighty thumbs to drop a few extra ounces.

Side note confessional: I felt compelled to write in for the first time after eating 3/4ths of a medium pizza, two 20 ounce cokes and then heading right to the scale and weighing in at 13 pounds heavier than when I moved to Atlanta 8 months ago.

Side note stats: Said pizza was devoured near midnight tonight. Final slice was thrown away instead of stored. 40 half-push ups followed the eating orgy (the first 12 or so were full push ups).

ISIOETOICSIAMBMIDNSTIAO-IW competition has been copyrighted.


Mary L. said...

I fully back up your comment Ian. The last time I saw 137 was probably 9th grade (seriously).

However, I would like to disclose to the blog that even after your alleged "13 pound" weight gain, you still weigh less than I.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your support Mary!

I've realized that there's a simple question that can help to select potential Fat Is Wackers and weed out undesirables.

It is this: Yes or No... At any time in the last 12 months have you found yourself rolled up in the fetal position*, eyes clenched, softly crying, occasionally wimpering whilst tears stream down past the caked icing on the left side of your cheek and puddle with the chip crumbs in the crease of your neck?

A simple sullen nod or a barely audible "yes" qualifies you for FIW.

Foot note: *Fetal position in this context is meant to be a figure of speech. It is quite obvious that no land animal's womb could hold anyone who could answer yes to that question.